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Chuck Norris: Mary Might Have Aborted Jesus Christ Under ObamaCare/'Herodcare'
Actor Chuck Norris
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In his latest syndicated column, Chuck Norris wonders if the Obama health care plan would have resulted in some dire consequences if it had been around in times past: Namely the abortion of Jesus Christ Himself, under the regime of "Herodcare."
Norris writes:
Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?
But wait a minute. Wouldn't those same progressives have been opposed to stoning or otherwise mistreating the teenage unwed mother, and offered her generous social services instead?
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dudeguy
December 17, 2009 3:21 PM
Yes, Chuck. Immaculate Mary wanted an abortion, but luckily she couldn't afford it.
Idiot.
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rbeats
December 17, 2009 3:33 PM in reply to dudeguy
Hey then we would have all been saved 33 years earlier!
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seanerbock
December 17, 2009 4:11 PM in reply to rbeats
^ this ^
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nova voter
December 17, 2009 5:26 PM in reply to rbeats
holy shit, i made really, really, really loud LOL sounds.
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neesy08
December 17, 2009 5:28 PM in reply to dudeguy
affordability wasn't the problem. it didn't exist back then, and why would she want to kill God's Son?
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twayn
December 17, 2009 8:32 PM in reply to neesy08
Abortion did exist back then. In fact, there are historical records from Egypt showing that abortion in one form or another was being practiced 1500 years before the birth of Christ.
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Kevin Cassidy
December 17, 2009 10:50 PM in reply to twayn
I think that you will find that neesy08 meant that the issue of health care affordability did not exist at the time of Christ's birth which is somewhat arbitrarily set at December 25, year 0 -- or is it 1 AD.
Merry Christmas
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patmcgrowen
December 18, 2009 7:52 AM in reply to twayn
I think this is the best info against the Right Wing. Abortion existed during the time Jesus was preaching. Why didn't He specifically address this issue? And why does this issue trump the actual stuff Jesus said i.e. Love EVERYONE, taking care of the "least of us" is what gets you to heaven, taxes is giving to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and all the stuff He tells you do to do for "gasp" immigrants/aliens.
If you study what Jesus actually talked about, he has more in common with today's liberal base. I am not saying Jesus was liberal but there are obvious parallels in the messages. This is why it is ok to be a liberal Christian. It took me years to understand that I didn't have to run away from my religious views because of my political views.
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cinesimon
December 17, 2009 8:39 PM in reply to dudeguy
Such a pathetic, spitefull little man is Norris.
The epitome of a Glen Beck-style 'American hero': ignorance, bigotry and hatred via religious intolerance.
Obviously he doesn't have much faith in his 'god', if he believes that an abortion by human hands could have stopped him from gifting his son to the world.
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mJJ
December 17, 2009 10:16 PM in reply to dudeguy
I have not read anything quite so disgusting as this statement by Chuck Norris. No matter how he tries, there is NO coercion being practiced by our Government. This guy's comment is no doubt a bit about abortion and a lot about a racist in disguise. Nut alas, it makes him sound insane. His comment has no reality to it whatsoever. On the other hand, now that I think of it, my own party has sunk so low now that anything they can think up against Mr. Obama seems fair game to them, a truth or an outright lie like this one. Of course, this guys TV mayhem seems fine to him I guess. He shows little respect for human life in his episodes and often the story line makes him the judge, jury and executioner. Situational ethics at work here, Chuck! Sort of shows how disgusting some Republicans in my party have become.
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Frank
December 17, 2009 11:24 PM in reply to dudeguy
Chuck,it's too bad Your mother wasn't pro abortion
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Matt Jones
December 17, 2009 3:22 PM
And the social conservatives responsible for said "ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy" would, of course, be entirely blameless.
Apparently Chuck managed to roundhouse-kick himself in the brain this morning...
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Cool Blue Reason
December 17, 2009 3:32 PM in reply to Matt Jones
Norris and his ilk would likely respond that the ostracizers of the day were mistaken that Mary was a whore, but only due to a unique set of circumstances.
After all, what bothers them is not so much the "babies" dying, but the whores "getting away with it."
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Tres
December 17, 2009 3:25 PM
Putting aside the obviously absurd parallel (health insurance in the time of Herod!) this actually seems to speak to a deep-rooted mysogyny - the kind that wants to take women's reproductive rights away to begin with. Following Chuck's logic through to conclusion, even if said poor uninsured teenage woman received an Annunciation from the angel Gabriel himself, she would still be hellbent on aborting the Son of God. So we needs Republicans to protect the world from her - and all - womanly evil.
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William Holt
December 17, 2009 9:05 PM in reply to Tres
Thank you - that's what I was going to say. Mary ignores the Angel from God announcing the pregnancy, and decides to have an abortion? These people are inconsistent, if not totally insane.
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gayinmt
December 17, 2009 3:25 PM
Isn't even more sad that the mother of Jesus would've been uninsured?
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greg2009
December 17, 2009 3:25 PM
I think Chuck has been hit in the head too many times.
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Hank
December 17, 2009 3:26 PM
Shorter version of anything Chuck Norris says:
BbBbBbBb ack ack ack ack yumpyumpyump
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Dizzy Izzy
December 17, 2009 3:27 PM
Hmmm. Well, we could have avoided all that "Crusades" business.
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RocketEngineer
December 17, 2009 10:24 PM in reply to Dizzy Izzy
And that "Inquisition" thingy.
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Overreach THIS!
December 17, 2009 3:28 PM
Talibangelical nutball.
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Fuddnik
December 17, 2009 3:33 PM
Chucky and Liebermoron are the best examples of why retroactive abortion should be legalized.
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HawkeyeD
December 17, 2009 3:36 PM
Chuck should read the bible and clear up some misconceptions he has about Mary. He seems unaware of Joseph the Builder and their marriage.
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Kuyleh
December 17, 2009 5:29 PM in reply to HawkeyeD
I might not be recalling correctly, but didn't he refuse to marry her until after Jesus was born? Hence her being unmarried and knocked up.
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GBHeron
December 17, 2009 7:35 PM in reply to Kuyleh
Joseph considers leaving Mary when he finds out about the pregnancy, but his mind is changed when an angel explains the situation and they stay engaged. It's not 100% clear if they are married or just engaged at the time of the birth (many versions just say 'betrothed').
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rynato
December 18, 2009 9:17 AM in reply to GBHeron
or maybe it is just all bullshit
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erwin
December 17, 2009 3:41 PM
To paraphrase Charles Krauthammer: "[Chuck Norris] is rich ignoramus of zero consequence. Only an idiot celebrity culture... would care what [Chuck Norris] thinks.
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JefferyK
December 17, 2009 3:49 PM
Remind me: Why should I give a fuck about this loser?
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ericf
December 17, 2009 3:52 PM in reply to JefferyK
Because many conservatives listen to him. His point will resonate with religious fundamentalists inclined to believe health insurance is a conspiracy to promote abortion.
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JefferyK
December 17, 2009 4:11 PM in reply to ericf
My philosophy is to ignore crazy people, Norris is crazy. They all end up digging their own graves, anyway, and why extend their 15 minutes of fame by paying attention to them.
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iampwb
December 17, 2009 4:23 PM in reply to JefferyK
If Chuck had a brain cell it would be lonely.
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Suznaz
December 17, 2009 3:54 PM
Chucky, Chucky... one too many kicks to the head and far too little to keep yourself busy & out of trouble. You are not an authority on anything relevant to the healthcare reform discussion...or Christian theology.
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ericf
December 17, 2009 3:57 PM
Maybe our response would be that liberals wouldn't abort a divinely conceived fetus even with abortions available, while conservatives apparently would.
While Norris' head is spinning over that one, knock him over by mentioning that abortion isn't exactly a new invention. There have been herbal abortifacients since probably the start of history.
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alinnyc
December 17, 2009 4:06 PM
Looks like Chuck got a few too many roundhouse kicks to the head. Why are we even LISTENING to this man?
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realist
December 17, 2009 4:13 PM
Chunk's "Planet of the Apes" makeup is so cool.
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realist
December 17, 2009 4:14 PM
Chunk's "Planet of the Apes" makeup is so cool.
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Chesire111
December 17, 2009 4:16 PM
Although I'm aware of the hazzards of presuming to know what historical figures would have done in hypothetical situations, I'm thinkin' that the Magnificat just might give us a hint as to what the Holy Virgin might have decided.
Note to Chuck: If you're going to invoke religious imagery, be sure you understand the imagery you are invoking ESPECIALLY if it is drawn from YOUR OWN FAITH TRADITION!!!
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brookeb
December 17, 2009 4:18 PM
Maybe if Mary and Joseph had insurance Jesus could have been born in a proper facility and not a manger.
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Kevin Cassidy
December 17, 2009 10:55 PM in reply to brookeb
BINGO
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bluesplashy
December 17, 2009 11:10 PM in reply to brookeb
What? And give up the whole history of persecution? The whole victim as special mentality? No way!
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MercutioLives
December 18, 2009 12:38 AM in reply to brookeb
True, but "Away in a proper facility..." just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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Chesire111
December 17, 2009 4:19 PM
BTW, Chuck, really nice job with the blasphemy! Too bad his theology is as assbackwards as his politics.
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imthedude55
December 17, 2009 5:07 PM
Sounds to me like Chuck took one too many blows to the head during his long gone Grade B martial arts film career....
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Kevin Cassidy
December 17, 2009 10:54 PM in reply to imthedude55
I was thinking "kicked in the head too many times" myself.
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barnacle
December 17, 2009 5:09 PM
What if the Grinch hadn't stolen Christmas? What if Lucy hadn't pulled the football away from Charlie Brown? What if Rudolph had used a topical cream to treat the redness on his nose? These are important questions for our time.
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hychka
December 17, 2009 5:11 PM
Wow! Just how low will these whackos go??!! Wow!!!
Or maybe Chuckie has taken too many Karate chops...head injuries do tend to make one feebleminded.
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eve cairo
December 17, 2009 5:16 PM
Well Chuck, under Huckabee-care Mary wouldn't have had to worry about an abortion--the mentality of people like you would have had her executed by stoning long before since she would have been an unwed mother.
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juke R
December 17, 2009 5:19 PM
"Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women!"
The obtuseness of those in the right is just mind boggling. In he real world, where I live, women terminate unwanted pregnancies and then go on and have the number of children that they want to have (and at times that they want to have them). If women are forced to carry pregnancies that they are not ready for, it is not at all certain that they will have the children that they later would have had.
Think of all the children, Chuck Norris, that would not have been born had their mothers been forced to carry out pregnancies earlier in their lives.
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Kuyleh
December 17, 2009 5:27 PM
This guy is a Fucking retard. Doesn't his own Bible talk about how blessed Mary felt to be carrying "god's" kid, and how she completely believed it? What motivation would she have had to want an abortion?
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fuman
December 17, 2009 5:31 PM
But if mary didn't have an abortion,
yet still delievered baby jesus and remained a virgin,
where did the baby jesus exit her body?
Just curious . . .
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GBHeron
December 17, 2009 7:18 PM in reply to fuman
The miracle is the virgin conception, not the virgin delivery, and Mary does not remain a virgin (Jesus has brothers). That said, giving birth wouldn't make one a non-virgin, any more than the myriad of other non-sex ways of breaking the hymen would.
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Chesire111
December 18, 2009 2:32 PM in reply to GBHeron
Yes, Mary remained a virgin and Jesus had no brothers. (At that time, "bretheren" was a term used to include brothers, step brotehrs and cousins.)
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AJM
December 23, 2009 9:02 AM in reply to Chesire111
She'd never get to have an abortion: she'd be stoned to death before that.
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AJM
December 23, 2009 9:07 AM in reply to Chesire111
Got the wrong comment to you first. "Brethren" wasn't the term used back then -- it was some other language. As used now Brother most often means Brother and so the current version of the WORD has a error in it if taken literally.
Also, from below, the actual term used for Mary "almah" didn't mean virgin, it meant young woman.
So if you want to argue from usuage at the time, you have to adopt that view as well.
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Andreams
December 17, 2009 5:50 PM
Anyone got a truck we can throw this guy under? He gets crazier every year.
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lousgirl84
December 17, 2009 6:23 PM
Yes and why is TPM even running this story? How about TPM cleaning up their act.
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lousgirl84
December 17, 2009 6:24 PM
Too bad his mother didn't abort him. We would have one less UGLY republican crazy idiot running around.
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WaitWut?
December 17, 2009 6:33 PM
We need Bruce Lee to come and kick his ass, again.
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daphnechyprious
December 17, 2009 6:44 PM
also a lot of criminals wouldn't have come into existence. it works both ways. arguing backward, as Norris has, is never a valid rhetorical technique.
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windowpane
December 17, 2009 6:59 PM
No Christ? No Christians? No Huckabee? ...... No Chuck Norris!!!
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GayIthacan
December 17, 2009 7:18 PM
Who says the Neanderthals died out?
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Rich in NJ
December 17, 2009 7:49 PM
If/when I get to be Norris's age, if I ever paint myself like he does, please shoot me.
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DestinyofAmelie
December 17, 2009 7:53 PM
Chuck took one too many hits to the head.
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DestinyofAmelie
December 17, 2009 7:53 PM
Chuck took one too many hits to the head.
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dumdedumdum
December 17, 2009 8:12 PM
Man, she would have been in big big trouble!
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susanthe
December 17, 2009 8:16 PM
Think so, Chuck? Instead - Jesus had two daddies.
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Rockridge
December 17, 2009 8:20 PM
Chuck Norris, beware! Your immortal soul is in danger!
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ilovebacon
December 17, 2009 8:31 PM
Chuck Norris has a one-way ticket to HELL.
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barrelhse
December 17, 2009 8:31 PM
Mush. His brain is mush.
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CranialRectalLoopback
December 17, 2009 8:33 PM
Seeing as how Chuck Norris is a living abortion, there's no guarantee that Jesus would not have survived. And since Christianity is nothing more than mythology like the Greek Gods, I could not care less if Jesus had been aborted.
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cuchulain
December 17, 2009 8:36 PM
Christians believe that Jesus IS god, right?
God is all-knowing and all-powerful. He knows the future, the past, all things, etc. etc.
So, he's going to come down to earth and let himself be aborted? God?
Beyond that, the whole story of Jesus's birth is probably far from the truth. The "virgin birth" is based upon a mistranslation anyway. In Hebrew, "almah" means "young woman" not virgin. It was mistranslated into Greek and became "virgin". The attempt was to make it sync up with a prophecy in Isaiah, but that prophecy was not about a virgin birth, etc.
That, and the other connection to Greek gods impregnating mortal women . . . like Zeus and Danae begetting Perseus.
That said, Norris is a mental midget.
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cinesimon
December 17, 2009 8:41 PM in reply to cuchulain
Not only a mental midget, but someone who obviously claims he's religious for populist reasons - certainly anyone who actually worships Jesus would not introduce such a nonsense.
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cinesimon
December 17, 2009 8:37 PM
What a pathetic, spitefull little man.
The epitome of a Glen Beck-style American hero.
Obviously he doesn't have much faith in his 'god', if he believes that an abortion by human hands could have stopped him from gifting his son to the world.
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JohnMcCSF
December 17, 2009 9:10 PM
Back in the day, we'd have burned that heretic
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jenesq
December 17, 2009 9:58 PM
Wow, that has to be one of the most offensive statements ever. And by offensive, I mean offensive to Christians. Putting aside the idiocy as the statement relates to Obama and healthcare (which is only to be expected from Kung-Fu Wingnut), how DARE Chuck F-ing Norris impugn the character of the Mother of God by implying that she might have aborted the Son of God if she'd only had the chance? WOW. The wingnut fundies ought to tar and feather him for that. I'm kind of a lukewarm Catholic myself, but I'm still horrified.
I'll be waiting with bated breath to see if the fundies blast him for this. Someone bring the oxygen tank, because it's going to be a long wait....
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masha
December 17, 2009 10:13 PM
blasphemy. this is besmirching the character of the mother of god. wow.
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masha
December 17, 2009 10:15 PM
let's see if catholics and other christians will say anything to counter this blasphemy. where are you hypocrites of notre dame?
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mJJ
December 17, 2009 10:30 PM in reply to masha
In response to your pointed criticism about Christians, I am one but I do not feel the need to blast that point of view all over every comment I make on the net. I doubt many Christians feel that need either. But you really have no idea who is or who is not a Christian so just cool it because your bias is showing!
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cinesimon
December 18, 2009 1:09 AM in reply to mJJ
Weird.
You do realize that without bias, you're not a human being?
As for your not feeling the need to blast Norris: funny, given that so many christians feel the need to blast people who support the separation of church and state for MUCH milder comments, including - in fact probably especially - christians who don't believe that laws should be made based on their religion.
But because Norris is a part of the right wing Talibanevangelist movement, I'm sure that no matter how blasphemous he gets, he'll still have massive support within the right wing faux-christian movement.
Political Correctness right wing christian-style: if you agree with his/her politics, then he can get away with anything.
Disagree with his/her politics, then he only has to walk past a cross without saluting it, and he's labelled the antichrist.
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Kevin Cassidy
December 17, 2009 10:57 PM in reply to masha
?
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jenesq
December 18, 2009 8:56 AM in reply to masha
Right here, jerk. Feel free to read what I posted on the subhect abovr.
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jenesq
December 18, 2009 9:01 AM in reply to masha
Allow me to add that you look foolish for singling out Notre Dame. Number one, ND took a lot of flak from the right-wing Catholics in this country (including a lot of the hierarchy) for inviting "pro-abortion" (the wingnuts' words, not mine or ND's) President Obama to be the commencement speaker last summer, but ND did not back down. They are in no way tied to the whackjobs demographic that embraces Chuck Norris and his ignorance. Number two, President Obama won the Indiana county in which ND is located, largely BECAUSE of ND. And number three, you can bet your life that plenty of people at ND (and elsewhere) will be pissed by Norris' blasphemous statements.
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Chris Weagel
December 17, 2009 10:30 PM
It would mean the Lord God Almighty was powerless to enact His Holy Plan and that your religion is total horseshit fairy tales, Chuck.
Might make a good time travel movie, though.
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HarpoSnarx
December 17, 2009 10:51 PM
Ah another moral lecture from a corrupt, debauched Gooper millionaire and the "good people" sucking it up.
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bogglesthemind
December 17, 2009 10:55 PM
""Chuck, Your Mother Might Have Aborted You Under ObamaCare/'Herodcare'"
Pity that didn't come to pass.
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mikedrevguy
December 17, 2009 11:45 PM
well, who knows how many other women Gabrial came with the 'blessed' news, only to have them say, "Uh, no!"
We don't know. What we do know is Mary said 'yes' to this particular life.
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Ofira
December 17, 2009 11:59 PM
ok, so what about Mrs.Hitler, is it ok if she aborted her baby?
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zero_rest
December 18, 2009 12:28 AM in reply to Ofira
Only if it was before Jesus was born because obviously Hitler was sent to punish the jews.
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zero_rest
December 18, 2009 12:22 AM
I wonder if Christians are aware of what an astonishing lack of faith it shows they have in their god if they fear his son wouldn't get born because of an abortion.
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rbe1
December 18, 2009 4:44 AM
Just one question: why do we care what comes out of Chuck Norris' orifice ?
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blahblah007
December 18, 2009 2:23 PM
Nice. We would have been saved from the giant waste of time which is modern-day religion (Christianity and perhaps even Islam and Judaism would have been non-existent in today's world). We've wasted nearly 3000 years now (since the inception of Judaism) believing in absolute nonsense. We could have been believing in each other the whole time and society as a whole could have been so much further along.
Of course, there likely was never anyone by the name of Jesus of Nazareth in the first place. His character is likely an amalgamation of the many purported 'saviors' on the scene at the time. Constantine really pulled one over on the world with the inception of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. What an a**hole.
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Moatia
December 19, 2009 1:19 AM
Was Chuck the first man in history to deliver a baby from his body? Why is he worried about women aborting things from their bodies? Given that he may have had a few too many kicks to his netherregions during his fake karate movies, I'm sure his little soldiers aren't double timing like they used to. In the grand scheme of things, his only role in the reproductive cycle is that of a donor. This is a prime example of some pitiful old man that has issues with women. There are a lot of them out there like Chuck. I saw a video on Youtube where a man uploaded a drunken moment about the gangrapes committed against civilian and military women serving in this campaign. He said, 'women had better get used to getting raped because we've oppressed men'. But, Chuckie-boy is wondering what would've happened if Mary had aborted. I may not have much faith in the man delivering the message, but I've lived long enough to know that no matter how close to the brink mankind gets, we always pull it together. I have faith in my fellow man even when he has lost faith in himself. So, what if she had aborted him? Mankind would've still evolved and given that most of the turmoil in our lives has been due to religion, we still would've done ok. To some it may not be much, but we wake up everyday. There are those that can't say that.
Bless Chuck. He went too far with that one. I hope God throws a thunderbolt through his left nut and strikes him dead. Amen
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eddieddx
December 22, 2009 10:36 PM
what an idiot, it's no wonder i never liked his holier than thou show, well, except for the blonde attorney
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lodancer
December 26, 2009 9:53 AM
I agree with DizzyIzzy and RocketEn. We could have avoided the "Crusades business", the "Inquisition thingie", the witch burnings, the persecution of the Jews that led to the Holocaust etc...man, why didn't we have "Obamacare" back then?
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Tosh
March 12, 2010 2:17 AM
he should definitely read the bible
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